When do children actually learn to take turns?
If your toddler refuses to wait for their turn, or doesn’t yet grasp the concept at all, you’re not behind. Taking turns is a long-game skill, built slowly over the early years.
The earliest version of turn-taking starts in infancy through what researchers call “serve and return” interactions. When you respond to your baby’s coo with a smile or mimic their babble, you’re laying the groundwork for conversation, patience, and reciprocity. By around 9 to 15 months, toddlers may begin turn-taking with you through peekaboo, passing toys, or simple back-and-forth gestures.
Between 18 and 24 months, many toddlers can imitate turn-taking in very short bursts by rolling a ball back and forth, stacking blocks together, or following a prompt from an adult. But even then, they’re still just dipping their toes into this new social rhythm.
It’s not until around age 2½ to 3 that children begin attempting turn-taking with peers, and even then, it’s rarely consistent. Sharing voluntarily or negotiating turns independently? That often doesn’t show up reliably until around age 4 or 5.
So if your toddler is grabbing, shouting “Mine!” or abandoning play altogether when asked to wait—it’s okay. They’re still learning.
Why does taking turns matter?
Taking turns isn’t just about playing nicely, it’s the foundation for almost every kind of healthy social interaction. It teaches:
- Impulse control: Waiting requires real effort, especially when emotions run high.
- Empathy: Recognizing that others have wants and needs too is a big step toward perspective-taking.
- Social communication: Turn-taking is how we build conversations, solve problems, and negotiate roles in play.
- Friendship readiness: Children who can take turns are more likely to be included in cooperative play and peer interactions.
In short, taking turns builds the muscle for collaboration, and it shows up everywhere, from playground games to dinner table chats.
How can we help toddlers learn to take turns?
This part takes time and lots of repetition. But the good news? You don’t need fancy toys or complicated scripts. Turn-taking is something we can teach in the everyday.
Here’s how to support it at home:
1. Narrate it as it happens
Even before your child understands, use simple, consistent phrases like “My turn, then your turn” or “You wait, then it’s your go.” Over time, they’ll start to anticipate the rhythm.
2. Use visual or physical cues
Tools like a sand timer, counting aloud, or even handing over a “turn token” can help make the waiting part feel more real. For example: “Let’s count to five, then we’ll pass it.”
3. Practice during play with you first
Take turns stacking blocks, drawing lines on paper, or stirring pretend soup in the play kitchen. Toddlers are more likely to succeed when practicing with a caregiver before trying with peers.
4. Create low-stakes opportunities
Turn-taking isn’t just about toys. Passing spoons at the table, putting on shoes one at a time, or taking turns pushing buttons in an elevator all build the skill with less emotional charge.
5. Read stories about turn-taking
Books like Llama Llama Time to Share by Anna Dewdney or Should I Share My Ice Cream? by Mo Willems open up conversations about fairness, frustration, and empathy. Ask, “How do you think he felt?” or “What could they do next?”
6. Celebrate the effort, not just the outcome
Praise your child for trying, even if the moment doesn’t go perfectly: “I saw you waited a little while before grabbing the toy. That was hard, and you did it!”
7. Offer choices and boundaries
Let your child decide which toys they’re ready to share during a playdate and which ones they’d rather keep private. Feeling in control can make sharing feel safer.
8. Don’t force it
If your child isn’t ready to give something up, try acknowledging their feelings: “You’re not ready to let go of that yet.” Then offer an alternative or plan a trade: “When you’re done, can we put it in the sharing basket?”
9. Model it everywhere
Let your child hear you say, “I’ll wait my turn” in real life. Whether it’s at a red light or in line at the store, real-world modeling matters.
10. Stay nearby during early peer play
Supervision and gentle support are key in the toddler years. Help translate tricky moments—“He wants a turn with the car, and you’re using it. Let’s figure out a plan.”
The takeaway
Taking turns isn’t about perfect behavior—it’s about practice. Your toddler might grab today and wait patiently tomorrow. It’s not linear, and it’s not about forcing maturity. What matters most is that you keep modeling, naming, and practicing the rhythm of relationships, one moment at a time.
At Snack & Story Co., we believe social skills like sharing and turn-taking grow slowly—and that’s okay. Through snacks, songs, and simple routines, your toddler is learning how to be part of a community. You don’t need to push them to be polite; you just need to stay present, patient, and kind. That’s how connection—and cooperation—begin.
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